The adventures of Tokiya Mikagami & the Cookie Jar
by longkang
Summary: What happens when Tokiya years for cookies? This.
1. Chapter 1

The adventures of Tokiya Mikagami and the cookie jar

Tokiya was hungry.

Tokiya slowly drew his blanket aside, inch by inch so as not to awaken his sleeping wife, Fuuko. His lay still for a while as he waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness of his room. After deciding that he could not get back to sleep, he decided to succumb to his hunger pangs. A lo, behold, he remembered that he bought a large jar of cookies two days ago. And the jar was just sitting on the kitchen counter begging to be eaten. It was his favourite lemon cookies too.

Slowly, he sat up and swung his legs off his bed and onto the floor. After snatching another look at the sleeping Fuuko (and leaning over her to make sure she was truly asleep), he slowly stood up and a took off at a slow walk at a half-crouch, stepping on the balls of his feet to ensure that no sound was made by his footsteps.

Stealth mode on.

He reached his first obstacle: closed door.

Hand on door handle. Breathe in. Quarter turn. A slight creak. Freeze. Head turn 45 degrees to the right. Wife still sleeping. Breathe out. Continue. Breathe in. Half turn. Slight pull. Door open. Inch by inch. Slick out. Attempt to close. Pull door back in place. Relax arm muscles. Slowly let handle turn back. Slight click. Breathe out.

Objective cleared!

Tokiya was hungry.

His first obstacle cleared, he scanned the living room, trying to remember where all the furniture was. Two days (and half the time at work) was definitely not enough time to get used to the layout of his home.

Random encounter!

Tokiya spotted a pair of green eyes in the darkness ahead. Surprised, he drew down into a defensive half crouch, hands ready for anything that may come his way. He stared at the pair of eyes, imagination wandering as his cookie-starved-half-asleep brain tried to determine what the heck was in his home. He wished for an instant that he still had his Ensui with him. Just an instant though, as he remembered that the nearest water source was in the washroom, which was between him and the pair of glowing eyes.

He stared at the eyes, daring it to do something.

The pair of eyes stared back.

He stared at them.

They stared back.

He continued to stare at them.

The eyes continued to stare back.

By now, Tokiya was starting to feel impatient.

The eyes actually moved this time round. Closer and closer. Tokiya was about to give the pair of eyes his kick of doom when a soft meow came from the direction where the eyes were.

Tokiya nearly slumped down onto the floor, realising that it was just their pet cat, Garfield.

Encounter averted!

He glared at Garfield and resolved then and there that he was going to throw Garfield in a box before he went to bed. He did NOT want to get scared by Garfield again. Tokiya managed to shoo Garfield away and continued on his quest to satiate his hunger. He recalled a famous children's TV programme from back when he was a kid. Something Street. He remembered that the programme featured muppets. His favourite character was a blue muppet that absolutely loved cookies. He even remembered the blue muppet making up a song about cookies.

'C is for cookie, it's just enough for me'

Humming the tune softly, Tokiya marched on. After what seemed like a hundred years, Tokiya reached the kitchen and met the final obstacle blocking his path.

Final mission: cookie jar lid.

Tokiya put one hand on the jar and another on the lid. This was going to be tricky. The lid had to be turned slowly as to not make any noise. Flexing his arm muscles, he slowly turned.

And turned.

And turned.

And turned.

And opened.

It seemed as though as he had the power of the Tendou Jigoku in his hands that very moment. Nothing could stand between him and his prize.

Final mission passed!

Tokiya put his hand in and carefully picked up a cookie, marvelling at the wondrous perfection of the mixture of lemon extract, flour, milk, eggs and who knows what else. He lifted the cookie level with his eyes and opened his mouth.

Suddenly, the lights turned on.

Tokiya turned round, surprised to see that Fuuko was standing, one finger on the light switch. Tokiya paused, looking guilty, looking at Fuuko.

Their eyes met.

It was a contest of wills. Neither wished to be the first to back down. After what seemed like an eternity, Tokiya looked down, despondent, and uttered one word.

"How?"

Fuuko grinned and said, "I'm hungry too".


	2. Chapter 2

The adventures of Tokiya Mikagami and the cookie jar – redux

Tokiya sat down on the beach chair and stretched himself out. Armed with his sunglasses, a cold drink and a novel, he figured he was pretty well-prepared for his vacation at the Gold Coast in Australia.

It was a nice summer day. He looked at the scenery in front of him, contented. The warm rays of the sun. The sloshing of the waves. The soft cries of the seagulls. The flying ball getting bigger and bigger…

Eh? Wha-

Of all the Hokage, though Tokiya has arguably the quickest wits, the unfortunate fact that he was just too relaxed hampered his reflexes.

The ball went **SPLAT** right into his face, followed by the uproarious laughter of the rest of the gang. Obviously Fuuko laughed the loudest. Odds are 500 to 1 that she was the one who threw the ball in the first place.

_Darn it. _

Fuuko ran over, picked up the ball, gave her husband a smirk and quickly ran away, knowing that it was useless trying to persuade him to join in their game.

_I'll show you. The cookies shall be mine!_

Pleased with his thoughts of revenge, he prepared to read his book. Oh, with an eye open for more flying balls.

His mind went into overdrive. While shopping at the duty-free section of the airport, by chance he saw a store selling The Best Cookies in the World™. The store even had a video showing the steps of making the cookies. A mixture of butter and sugar (both white and brown) heated up and mixed together, eggs beaten in one at a time with a pinch of vanilla flavouring, followed by premium-grade flour and baking powder, it truly was fit for the gods. The dough was then carefully kneaded, with premium Hersheys© chocolate chips added in as the last step.

The video then showed the cookies spooned onto a baking sheet and placed in the oven. As the butter warms, it slackens and the dough begins to turn more liquid and slowly spreads out. The cookie edges, more exposed to the heat, it gradually sets, allowing the centre of the cookie to rise. As the butter melts even more, water is freed and dissolves the baking soda. As the soda reacts with the components of the brown sugar, gases are created as a by-product of the reaction that causes the cookies to rise up even more. One could almost imagine the smell.

Once the heat increases even more, the sugar melts to form caramel, which mixes with the melted chocolate, producing rich, sweet flavours. The cookies are then taken out and left to cool. As the cookie cools, the caramel-chocolate mixture hardens up, giving the cookie a crisp, toffee-like texture. Finally, the air inside the cookie cools, causing the cookie to deflate slightly, giving the cookie the soft-looking-on-the-outside-but-crispy-and-crunchy-on-the-inside-golden-brown look.

Tokiya and Fuuko decided to purchase some on the spot. The storekeeper produced a small non-transparent jar, claiming that light will cause some sort of reaction with the cookie. It did not really make sense, but Tokiya was beyond caring by then and watched, salivating as the storekeeper carefully packed some cookies into the jar.

Tokiya was so caught up in the memories that he failed to notice yet another flying ball.

**SPOINK!**

9999 damage! It's super effective! Tokiya faints…

* * *

"In heaven there is no beer, that's why we drink it here. And when we are gone from here, our friends will drink up all our beer!" sang Recca, using a beer bottle as an impromptu microphone.

"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer! Take one down and pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall!" Domon belted out, not wanting to lose.

Tokiya grinned evilly. His plan to get everyone drunk was proceeding well.

The drinking session lasted until 2am, leaving a huge mess behind. Everyone (except Tokiya) was dead drunk. It was amazing how Yanagi could manage to drag everyone else out.

_My tactics worked totally fine!_

Tactic 1: pretend to take a long swig but was in fact not swallowing

Tactic 2: enthusiastically refilling for others

Simple but effective, yes?

Whistling a happy tune, he carried Fuuko to his bed. He noticed that her already loose top was hanging low, exposing a fair amount of cleavage.

_Damn. Why does she have such a hot body?_

Not wishing to have his thoughts go in the wrong direction, he quickly averted his eyes. After pinching her a few times to make sure she was totally drunk, he went over to where the cookies were kept.

Rubbing his hands together with glee, he opened the jar, reached in with his hand and felt… nothing.

_Eh? What the…_

Confused, Tokiya looked into the jar. To his ultimate shock and horror, the jar was empty. Stunned, he failed to notice that…

Fuuko uses Flying Ball!

**SMASH!**

9999 damage! It's super effective!

As Tokiya sank down to the floor, he could only stare in amazement at Fuuko, who was… apparently not intoxicated at all.

"Did you think I would not notice anything?" Fuuko said, grinning at him. "I knew something was up when you tried so hard to keep refilling our beer."

Tokiya could only stare stupidly at her.

"Oh, and if you are wondering where The Best Cookies in the World™ are, it's here," Fuuko said, patting her stomach. "Oh, and I'm pretty good at holding my liquor."

_Foiled… again…_


End file.
